Bob B. - A Schoolteacher Without A Clue
It was 1980 and I had spent the previous decade in pretty much solid intoxication with drugs and alcohol. I was an immature 29 years old, not fit for marriage or fatherhood, but there I was, married with three kids. I had gone back to college and gotten a degree in education, thinking I might make a living teaching English. Up till then I'd worked non-professional jobs that didn't pay much money and were all temporary, but did allow plenty of time and flexibility to drink and drug. My wife was hopeful, my parents were hopeful, and I was too, to an extent, though in my mind I secretly considered myself destined for greater things.
Earlier in the summer that year, before I'd even applied for the teaching job, I'd been to another big party at a friend's place back in the country. Out by the barn we'd built a bonfire, where we passed around bottles of Jack Daniels and Wild Turkey, hollering blue grass at the top of our lungs, smoking fat joints and jumping through the fire. I remember very little about the rest of that night, which wasn't unusual since I'd been blacking out ever since I started drinking back in junior high school. The next day my sister-in-law called our house to tell me that I had a serious problem with alcohol, that I was an "alcoholic" and my life was out of control. She also said she and her family didn't want to be around me anymore if I was drinking, and that I had better get some help. I remember holding the phone away from my ear and thinking, "For crying out loud, woman, how can you be so uptight! Who said I wanted to hang around you and your lame husband anyway?"
Not long after I applied for a teaching job at the county high school. I had good college grades and references and the superintendent told me I had the job, pending approval by the school board at their next meeting, a mere formality. The job was a perfect fit for me and I was feeling very good about my prospects, right up until the superintendent called for an urgent meeting with me the day after the board meeting. He said, "Bob, the strangest thing happened at the board meeting. When your contract came up for approval, one of the board, the vice-president, was very much against it. The decision is on hold until we get this straightened out."
He went on to tell me that the objecting board member had heard of my being involved in some extremely rude and obnoxious behavior at a party earlier in the summer. Of course, I couldn't remember much about that night, but what he described was well beyond the boundaries of anything I'd do, and that's what I indignantly told him. All I could think was, "Why are they doing this to me?" I felt that I was being singled out and persecuted because I wasn't a local boy, and also, I suspected, because of my "superior intelligence." I truly believed I was being framed!
Eventually I was hired, not for the perfect job, but another further down the scale. By then, my wife and I mostly just glared at each other. We had definitely "lost that loving feeling." She had started going to church and the people there had been telling her about alcoholism. She even brought home some pamphlets, which really riled me. Who did these people think they were feeding her this crap? Finally, she came home one night after seeing a counselor and told me that if I didn't agree to get into treatment for my drinking that she was going to take the kids and leave. I remember thinking that she was welcome to go, but I couldn't stand the thought of her taking the kids away from me, and I knew she was crazy enough to do it. And so I went to the Counseling Center and began outpatient treatment.
At first I was very angry and resentful, and I went along with a big chip on my shoulder. But my counselor seemed to understand exactly where I was coming from, which in itself was a huge relief. Deep down I had known my drinking was ruining me, I just couldn't imagine how I'd live without it. I certainly had no idea how much better life can be sober. In fact, it's been almost 25 years now and I still can't believe it!
